Am I mad or upset?

Am I really mad or upset or is it a different underlying feeling? Well I had the thought of "what if I'm not really mad?" If I wasn't to feel "upset" what legitimate emotion would I really truly e feeling? -being honest with myself it didn't take but a moment to realize I wasn't necessarily mad but rather upset on a jealous level. Upset because not only do I have the feeling of loss but also my ego has been damaged. By that I mean subconsciously I was questioning myself; if one,two no three people departed from my friendship am I worth anything to anyone? Apparently not right? So what the fuck Chris? What have you done to this person they now believe your intentions are to harm them? I really can't recall any behaviors that evolved from myself that would deserve the treatment I have been dealt, however it has been dealt so wether or not I find it fair is irrelevant to the facts or the reality of it.... I wish upon no one to have to endure this lesson I've learnt the past few months, you could say I feel like the few months that have past have already been years!