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Top 5 Communication Tips For Couples

1. Use The 3 Magic Words of Listening- “Is there more?”

For most people, listening is far more challenging than talking. If you do

nothing else, being attentive to what your partner is saying and using these 3

magic words will make you a star listener. Try it!

Are you wondering what the “3 Magic Words Of Speaking” are? Simply … “I

love you”. If you are expressing things that may be difficult for your partner to

hear, be sure to start and end with these healing words.


2. It’s not about you!

When your partner is expressing a thought, feeling, need, issue, or judgment,

it comes from their reality, is valid for them, and it is not about you! Most

arguments would never happen if we would simply accept our partner’s point

of view and agree to disagree.


3. It’s all about you!

Your thoughts, feelings, needs, issues, and judgments are your reality, are

valid for you, have little to do with your partner, and many people (including

your partner) are unlikely to see things your way. If you take full ownership for

your experience you will be able to create the conditions for connection and

harmony in just about any situation with your partner. A fulfilling relationship is

about having, accepting, and negotiating differences, not being “right”,

seeking sameness or consensus.


4. Turn complaints into requests

We bring many, many needs into any relationship and will experience an

issue when a need is not met. It is impossible for all needs to be met all the

time in any relationship, so you will have many opportunities to experience

and express issues. Simply making a request and focusing on what you want

to happen, instead of what is wrong or not happening, and negotiating a “winwin”

outcome, will effectively prevent or resolve conflict.


5. Tell your truth

The path to true intimacy and connection is by being authentic and telling

your full truth to your partner about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants,

issues, boundaries, etc. Intimacy means, “Into me I see”, a transparency

between two people that requires full expression of what is inside. Seeking to

avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can work for

awhile, until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as

withdrawal, resentment, “acting out”, etc. Telling your whole truth can be

scary, but will result in the kind of relationship that you really want.

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